New Unibond League Trophy

[AFootballFan]

To celebrate the achievement of Witton Albion in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in such convincing and hilarious fashion in two conseutive years, the League have announced the introduction of the new 'Devon Loch Memorial Shield'

This specially commissioned trophy will be awarded annually to the team who, in the opinion of the judges, look the biggest set of twits of everyone in making it virtually impossible not to win something only to fail spectactularly to do so in the end.

The Trophy was originally 'competed for' for in the old First Divison days, but was eventually just awarded annually to the hapless Leeds United due to their regular habit of blowing massive leads and bombing out to little minnows in the FA Cup each year.

Now specially revived again in view of Witton's incredible 'achievement', the trophy will be presented by Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards at a special ceremony in Witton Town Hall next week...

.............................



Note to younger readers:

Devon Loch was a famous racehorse. Its most memorable moment by far came in the 1956 Grand National steeplechase, when owned by HM Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. The horse was 45 metres from the winning post and in the lead, when suddenly the horse appeared to jump up and slip over, leaving ESB to overtake and win. Although jockey Dick Francis tried to cajole the horse, it was unable to continue. Afterwards, The Queen Mother famously said "Oh that's racing".

"To do a Devon Loch" is a metaphor now used in modern day sports and otherwise to explain the sudden, last-minute failure of teams or a sportsman to complete an expected victory, e.g. "United can only hope Chelsea do a Devon Loch collapse" and "Lewis Hamilton's surrender of the championship having led Kimi Räikkönen by 17 points with just two races remaining was a Devon Loch calamity.

[otleybard]

Sir

While enthusiastically applauding the introduction of the new trophy, I feel I must object to the identity of its first recipient.

Although Witton Albion have undoubtedly mimicked the actions of the unfortunate animal twice, I must point out that another set of candidates have done so at least thirty times this season alone.

When it comes to going in front, falling over and refusing to get up again, the clear winners must of course be:

EASTWOOD TOWN.

Yours, etc.

[derbybadger]

Sir
Much as we are thrilled to be nominated for this award we feel we must must decline.

With so many chair and table legs between our seating area and the stage, we are reluctant to expose our players to such blatent health & safety risks.
In addition, I am not sure we would have enough time to negotiate such hurdles as we like to take our time as you know.

Yours Eastwood Town

[otleybard]

Sir

May I assure you that all the tables have been removed owing to the propensity of the Ossett Town contingent for sliding down them.

Yours, etc.

[bigj]

Seem to remember someone removing the legs from the Ossett tables mid-season from which they never managed to recover

[adambrid]

Y we all sayin sir
AB