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Post by AFootballFan on Feb 10, 2008 10:19:03 GMT 1
During the course of yesterday's game at Nethermoor I became increasingly concerned over the physical welfare of our opponents, Eastwood Town.
As the game went on it seemed increasingly clear to me that the Eastwood players are not physically capable of competing in this kind of environment, and that they would be well advised to withdraw from the league at the earliest opportunity to avoid the possibility of serious injury.
Football is a contact sport which invariably leads to the odd knock or slight injury that most players take for granted as part of the game. For the Eastwood players, however, it seems that they lack the physical requirements for spending an hour and a half on a football pitch where such injuries might be incurred and one can only hope that they do the sensible thing for all involved and find something else to do instead.
Eastwood needn't feel embarrassed to admit their inability to cope; they can only be honest and say that they've tried but that they find it a bit too rough. I, for one, took no pleasure in spending my Saturday afternoon watching grown men writhing about in pain from the slightest knock - either real or imagined - and don't want to have witness such sights again.
So, my message to Eastwood Town is that you've had a go and it's not for you, so do the sensible thing and give it up. We'll miss you a bit, of course, but there are other things you can do on a Saturday afternoon, and you'd soon get used to doing something else. I wonder whether any other Guiseley fans would agree with this me on this.
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Post by adambrid on Feb 10, 2008 11:49:09 GMT 1
On of their players is Smith he could never cope
AB
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Post by AFootballFan on Feb 10, 2008 11:53:32 GMT 1
Err...didn't he score yesterday, Ads?
Oh, and while you're on; did you behave yourself yesterday. You didn't try to organize an 'anti-management uprising', did you?
I don't suppose you'll be approaching them to lead the team out again, will you?
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Post by adambrid on Feb 10, 2008 21:55:58 GMT 1
Yeh i will
AB
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Post by AFootballFan on Feb 11, 2008 0:12:14 GMT 1
lol...
Y
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Post by derbybadger on Feb 11, 2008 7:22:46 GMT 1
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Post by otleybard on Feb 11, 2008 11:28:12 GMT 1
Your storytelling shows promise.
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Post by mrsann on Feb 11, 2008 16:23:45 GMT 1
It appeared to me that certain Eastwood players were looking to the wings,sorry dugout,for instruction on when to perform. Not seen many games stopped for head injuries without blood and can the physio please contact the NHS about that miracle water will save us all a fortune in NI contributions.
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Post by otleybard on Feb 11, 2008 18:27:35 GMT 1
FAO Eastwood Town Management
Mrsann has pinpointed one of the areas in which your standard game plan is beginning to show signs of wear. For a few extra pounds, proprietary brands of fake blood capsules could be distributed before the game to the players designated to be 'injured' in the event of your defending a lead late on. When the player is tackled, or an opponent passes within two yards of him, the player would bite on the capsule and thus ensure his fall to the ground would be accompanied by a convincing torrent of claret.
Similarly, time needs to be spent on your goalkeeper Mr Deakin's timewasting technique. For heaven's sake, he became so unsubtle in the closing stages on Saturday that even the Three Wise Monkeys who were officiating noticed what he was up to, albeit ninety-six minutes after he began. There's always a danger that one day you might be allocated a referee who's actually played in a game of football, or at least watched one, and then Mr D could be in serious trouble.
The 'wading through treacle' walk adopted by the designated injured players and those substituted was quite effective, but might I suggest they initially attempt to leave the pitch via one of the corner flags on the opposite side. Should the referee notice, they could claim concussion and hold a protracted conversation with him in which they pretend to believe he's their late grandfather.
If, despite your best efforts, the whistle seems further away than ever I would suggest the ultimate tactic: enrol one or more of your players on a 'Principles of Pickpocketing' course. Then, under cover of a lecture from the ref, they could subtly remove both his watches and replace them with duplicates showing a mere ten seconds' play remaining.
A final word of advice to Mr Cox; constant attempts to intimidate the officials with volleys of foul-mouthed abuse obviously have their place - watch any 'Match of the Day' for confirmation - but they can prove counter-productive, as I believe you discovered the other week. Your average Unibond referee is a simple, trusting soul who believes in the intrinsic goodness and honesty of players and managers at this level. He is the perfect ally in your quest for honours - nurture him.
Best Wishes
Yuill Cheetham
Specialist in Football's Black Arts and Former Consultant to Messrs Revie, Beck, Warnock, Dunn, etc. etc.
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Post by adambrid on Feb 11, 2008 19:27:57 GMT 1
What?
AB
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Post by otleybard on Feb 11, 2008 19:46:02 GMT 1
FAO Eastwood Town Management Mrsann has pinpointed one of the areas in which your standard game plan is beginning to show signs of wear. For a few extra pounds, proprietary brands of fake blood capsules could be distributed before the game to the players designated to be 'injured' in the event of your defending a lead late on. When the player is tackled, or an opponent passes within two yards of him, the player would bite on the capsule and thus ensure his fall to the ground would be accompanied by a convincing torrent of claret. Similarly, time needs to be spent on your goalkeeper Mr Deakin's timewasting technique. For heaven's sake, he became so unsubtle in the closing stages on Saturday that even the Three Wise Monkeys who were officiating noticed what he was up to, albeit ninety-six minutes after he began. There's always a danger that one day you might be allocated a referee who's actually played in a game of football, or at least watched one, and then Mr D could be in serious trouble. The 'wading through treacle' walk adopted by the designated injured players and those substituted was quite effective, but might I suggest they initially attempt to leave the pitch via one of the corner flags on the opposite side. Should the referee notice, they could claim concussion and hold a protracted conversation with him in which they pretend to believe he's their late grandfather. If, despite your best efforts, the whistle seems further away than ever I would suggest the ultimate tactic: enrol one or more of your players on a 'Principles of Pickpocketing' course. Then, under cover of a lecture from the ref, they could subtly remove both his watches and replace them with duplicates showing a mere ten seconds' play remaining. A final word of advice to Mr Cox; constant attempts to intimidate the officials with volleys of foul-mouthed abuse obviously have their place - watch any 'Match of the Day' for confirmation - but they can prove counter-productive, as I believe you discovered the other week. Your average Unibond referee is a simple, trusting soul who believes in the intrinsic goodness and honesty of players and managers at this level. He is the perfect ally in your quest for honours - nurture him. Best Wishes Yuill Cheetham Specialist in Football's Black Arts and Former Consultant to Messrs Revie, Beck, Warnock, Dunn, etc. etc. |
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Post by AFootballFan on Feb 11, 2008 20:39:40 GMT 1
Have you got that now, Ads?
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Post by derbybadger on Feb 11, 2008 20:50:28 GMT 1
Oh you nasty Yorkshire people *falls to fall*
I understand your frustrations and I feel your pain *rolls around in agony*
I feel your shame *Stands up looking dazed*
But it's your team that's to blame * Freds magic water gets me rarin to go*
Anyway Ramsden chips are dry......................
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Post by otleybard on Feb 12, 2008 1:56:55 GMT 1
They knew you'd turn up with plenty of your usual sauce!
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Post by adambrid on Feb 12, 2008 20:51:37 GMT 1
Yeh i think so
AB
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